After the Divorce

Coping with the Change

When a marriage breaks up, this can mean considerable change for both the husband and for the wife, although in many cases it could be easier for the husband if he has already found someone else.

It may not be so easy for the wife to pick up the pieces and to try to continue a normal life, often with custody of the children.

If possible, we should, whether we are male or female, look positively towards the future and make the best of it. I have heard from one wife who has been through this and says

"I am a much stronger woman because of this whole thing. I am doing things that I thought I would never be able to do. I am a survivor."

This type of approach can apply equally to men and to women.

Effects on the Children

One of the less happy results of a divorce (or separation) are the effects that it can have on the children, regardless of their age, even well into maturity. There are groups that try to address this sort of thing such as "Gay Fathers" or "Gay Dads" for the men, and there must be support sites for the wives and for the children themselves. The "About fatherhood" site at fatherhood.about.com/cs/divorceddads/a/divorcekids.htm summarises why children are impacted by divorce:

Fear of change
Fear of being abandoned
Losing attachment
Coping with parental tension.

In some cases, the father has been known to abandon his children altogether (hopefully in very few cases), which will have a major effect on his children, regardless of their age. They have to realise that this is not anything to do with them; it is to do with the person who has abandoned them.