Breaking up
This section is written just as much for the straight spouse as it is for the gay or bisexual married person.
The Ending of a Relationship
We enter into relationships for all sorts of reasons, the not least being love, friendship, and being comfortable with each other. The latter can be quite easily destroyed when things start to go wrong.
If a relationship breaks up, this can be quite devastating for one or both parties. In some ways, it can be worse than the bereavement caused by death - for a start, death is final, and there is no hope of the relationship being restored in this life.
So the break up of a relationship, arguably is a form of bereavement and all that goes with it, if not more.
Potential Stages
These are some of the stages that one can go through, in no particular order, and there may be others, not mentioned here:
- The bewilderment that it has happened
- The feeling of rejection
- The feeling of unfair treatment
- The grief that it has happened
- The anger that the break up might have been avoided (if only ......)
- The hope that the relationship might be restored
- The attempts to restore it
- The chaos that follows if it isn't restored
- The coming to terms with it
- The getting on with life.
This is not an easy time for anyone, and different people cope with it in different ways. Some people never manage to come to terms with it, and have difficulty getting on with their life - for them, time stands still. Others do manage to come to terms with it and perhaps in time to find a new partner.
We all have our different ways of coping with such things, but unless we can move on ......
There are support groups that can help with this, for instance:
USA - Suicide and Crisis Hotlines
UK - The Samaritans
Other lines can be found through Befrienders International.