The Problem

Many people who are gay or bisexual and married have found that there is little or no fulfilment for them as a result of "cruising" for sex, generally through chat lines, the internet and other suitable (or unsuitable) locations. For them, fulfilment is something more than a one or two hour encounter with a total stranger, whose name they do not know and whom they might not ever meet again. Such encounters can be unsafe, in terms of personal safety and personal health.

To achieve fulfilment, they need to establish a long-term relationship with another person whom they can get to know, to like and possibly even to love while at the same time maintaining the love that they have for their spouse and any family.

Sex is therefore only part of that outside relationship, other key parts being such things as friendship, common interests and with time, history. Such a relationship can provide the married gay or bisexual person with stability, since they no longer have a need to seek out other people, part of a basic hunting instinct which seems to prevail.

A Possible Solution

In various parts of the world, Closed Loop support groups have been set up.

A Closed Loop is an arrangement between a married gay or bisexual person, their spouse and another person. The other person is normally also married, but occasionally is not. All involved in such a Closed Loop promise to be faithful to each other.

For it to be a true Closed Loop Relationship, such an arrangement must be set up with the knowledge and the agreement of the spouse (or spouses where more than one married person is involved).

For it to work successfully, it is important that certain rules are agreed by which all parties to the Closed Loop can work (including husband and wife), and these rules must be observed. These rules may differ according to the needs and wishes of those involved.

Most importantly, each person must know what is happening, what is being planned and so on. A key foundation to this is to maintain good effective communication between each person, and with it, honesty and trust.

The Closed Loop principal is seen as one solution to an eternal problem that faces a married gay or bisexual person who is out to their spouse, wants to continue their marriage, and yet has to fulfil their true emotions, sexual and otherwise, through a relationship with another person. For some it works effectively. But it can only work if the spouse can accept it.

In practice

The ideal Closed Loop is easier said than done. Many people striving for a Closed Loop have difficulty being out to their wives. To come out, or not to come out is a major issue, with accompanying moral and health issues.

Some men are seeking to have purely a platonic relationship with another man, the emotional fulfilment coming from that relationship.

Beware!

If you are thinking of entering into a Closed Loop Relationship, and you have family, make sure that the person you want to enter that relationship with is everything that they seem to be. There are predators out there who will tell you anything you would like to hear, except the entire truth.

If you are thinking of entering into a Closed Loop Relationship, do not forget the risks involved both to you and to those around you.