Many people are subject to change during their lifetime

I recollect some years ago an expert witness, in the twilight of his life, being challenged in court by a barrister over something that he contended now which was in direct conflict with something that he had contended some thirty years before. The barrister triumphantly pointed out the change in contention, suggesting that such a change should not have taken place. The expert witness retorted that we are all entitled to change our minds with time.

The issue here is that many of us (if not most of us) do change with time, and the thoughts and concerns in our lives (the constraints) in our teens and in our twenties (when we are out to impress others and to comply with the "norm") are not the same as those thoughts and concerns in our lives in our fifties and our sixties or older. Visit the Klein page if you want evidence that people can change.

The implications of this are phenomenal since most of us enter into a relationship with someone else on the expectation that the other person will not change, or that if change is to occur, it will be together, as we grow older together.

Yet this may not be the case.

The reasons for constraint

Constraints can be caused for many different reasons, the following being associated with sexuality:

• Parental influences which could be caused by inherent homophobia by one or both parents (oppressive father who has his own fears that he could be homosexual)
• Inherent family pressures - A favourite statement of mothers - "Once you grow up, marry and have children of your own ......"
• Social pressures - the ideas that anything to do with being "queer" can be laughed at (acceptance at a superficial level, such as "Carry On" films) but abhorred if known about in specific instances (rejection when real) - often the unspoken word is more acceptable than the spoken word
• Religious pressures - the unspeakable sin of homosexuality, often accepting that people can be homosexual, but must not under any circumstances be practising (Anglican view towards its bishops)
• Legal and religious laws - suppression of any form of homosexuality, still in place in many countries around the world with severe punishment if discovered in practice, including capital punishment. It should be remembered that homosexuality only became legal between consenting adults in the United Kingdom in 1967, before which practising homosexuals, even in private, were taking risks. Less than 100 years before that, sodomy was punishable by hanging in the United Kingdom.

Whichever of the above (or combination of the above) applies, suppression of people's true thoughts about their sexuality will continue for a very long time, if not for all time, unless the persons concerned are sufficiently confident in themselves (and in those around them) not to be constrained by such influences.

Environment

There can be other influences that prevent people from realizing or accepting their true sexuality.

Most of us (if we are reading these pages) are probably attached to the Internet by some high speed connection and live in an environment where we can assume certain luxuries and where we do not have to worry too much about where our next meal is coming from. But what of those who live closer to nature and have to find their next meal (whether by hunting or by begging)?

What is being suggested here is that the importance of sexuality to ourselves reduces if our surroundings make it more important for us to concentrate on other priorities such as food gathering for us and our families. In a different environment, the survival of the human race and therefore its procreation may become the priority, so that sexuality ceases to be a significant issue.

The logical implication of all of this is that with changes of constraint and changes of environment, so we can change, or at least our priorities.

In addition, we ourselves tend to change the longer we live, as implied at the start of this page.

As recognized by Fritz Klein and his colleagues (Bisexual Resource Center), a younger person who is "different" is less likely to be themselves and adopt their "ideals" (paradoxically since we often associate ideals with younger people). Not only that, but something that is not perhaps recognized by Klein is that those ideals themselves can change with age. A person's ideal sexual orientation when they were 20 might not be the same as their ideal sexual orientation some 40 years later.

Really Coping with Change

If we live in total ignorance of potential change in ourselves or our partners, shock is likely to result if changes occur, not only for the person who is changing but also for the people who are around them, particularly any spouse and close relatives. It is hard to say just what percentage of the population of the world could be affected by this but it could be substantial, depending on location. A rough estimate could place it anywhere between 40% and 60%.

The more that we know, the more that we can be warned in advance, and recognize what is happening. The shock may not be any less traumatic, but there is a better chance of coping with the change nevertheless. Part of the purpose of this site is to enable that awareness to exist and for anyone entering into a relationship to know the potential risks involved whether that relationship is between people of the opposite sex or of the same sex.