Relationships

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The Grass is Always Greener on the other side?

For many of us Married Gays who have come to terms with our sexuality, it is an initial reaction to try to find a relationship with someone of our own sex, even though we are already in one with our spouse. After all, wouldn't it be nice to be living with someone of our own sex? Wouldn't it be nice to wake up in the mornings and find them there?

Or would it?

We should stop and think, before launching off to search for the ideal mate when we have been living already in a relationship with someone, albeit our spouse, for a number of years. What makes a same sex relationship any better? There is no particular reason why it should be any better. A relationship is not necessarily to do with sexuality.

Let us compare:

Male to Female	Same Sex
How often do we say "My wife doesn't understand me"?	How often does one partner say "My partner doesn't understand me"?
How often in a Male to Female relationship does one partner not want sex?	How often in a Same Sex relationship does one partner not want sex?
How often does one partner take a holiday while the other stays at home?	How often does one partner take a holiday while the other stays at home?

There may be many other examples, but the point is, that just because you yearn for a relationship with someone of your own sex, does not mean that it will be any better than the relationship which you may be enjoying with your spouse, and indeed, it could be a good deal worse. Finding a new partner, whether male or female, is a risky business.

Sometimes, it is better, if you can, to stick with who you know, rather than take the plunge. If a marriage "ain't broke" why try to fix it?

However, this is not a view shared by all and I received the following message from a correspondent who has given me permission to post it here and his e-mail address also:

Your "advice" and grid comparing same sex couples to male-female couples.

It is not about what is right or easier, it (life) is about learning to honor oneself. If your feelings are telling you you would rather be with a man, it is not because it would be easier than being with a woman. This is very important information for people to know. It is really scary for some men to have the balls to say first of all that they prefer men, and then for them to have taken that step and see your website, which would have them believe that they have come this far only to have someone say "stay with the lady. You may hate it and it doesn't honor your true feelings, but its easy." Nothing of any value in life is easy. And if you haven't figured that one out, you have a lot of living yet to do.

It's about HONORING WHO YOU ARE! and letting NO ONE tell you WHAT and WHO you are is bad!

Thanks for letting me share my opinion.

Doug

dma@texas.net

The most important thing to come out of all this, is that what ever you do, it is your choice, no one else's. There is more on this subject on the Case Histories page.

It is my belief that there is no easy solution whichever way you decide to go, keep the marriage going, or leave it for a same sex relationship.

Good luck!

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